You are Neurodivergent as FUCK (and not alone)

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You are you, you are neurodivergent as FUCK, and you are alone in the house. Finally. You have time to do that activity you like, the one that you need to be alone for. What is the activity? <<link "Dancing" "Why alone">><<set $activity to "dancing">><</link>> <<link "Eating cheese" "Why alone">><<set $activity to "eating cheese">><</link>> <<link "Working out" "Why alone">><<set $activity to "working out">><</link>> <<link "Navelgazing" "Why alone">><<set $activity to "navelgazing">><</link>>

Hell. Yes. You love $activity, and you specifically love doing it alone.<<if $activity is "dancing">> You might even say you like doing it //by yourself//.<</if>> You want - nay, //need// to do it alone. You just can't do it with anyone around, as, definitionally, having other people around means you're not alone. Why do you need to be alone? You're not very good at $activity. <<link "You don't want to embarrass yourself in front of others." "Prepare">><<set $why to "embarrassment">><</link>> When you are $activity, other people find it weird. <<link "You want to spare them your weirdness." "Prepare">><<set $why to "weirdness">><</link>> Hell if you know. <<link "Neurodivergent brains gonna neurodiverge." "Prepare">><<set $why to "neurodivergence">><</link>> Whatever it is, it's //not// a sex thing, <<link "you //swear//." "Prepare">><<set $why to "kink">><</link>>

<<if $why is "kink">>Right, mhm. You keep telling yourself that.<</if>> Good to know. In any case, this sweet, precious, indeterminate quantity of the 4th dimension of space is going to be filled to the brim with you $activity. You prepare yourself. <<cycle "$prepare" once>><<option "Stretch.">><<option "Drink some water.">><<option "Crack your knuckles.">><<option "Forget what you were doing for 10 minutes because you happened to glance at your phone.">><<option "<<linkappend 'Okay.'>><br><br><<linkappend 'Ready.'>><br><br>[[The front door latch clicks.| Housemate home]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>>">><</cycle>>

You whirl around in surprise as the door creaks open, revealing someone behind it. It's your housemate, that being the person who lives in the house with you and prevents you from being alone when they're here. Which is most of the time. Who is it? <<link "Your mom." "Hi">><<set $housemate to "Mom">><</link>> <<link "Your partner." "Hi">><<set $housemate to "your partner">><</link>> <<link "That roommate you found on Craigslist." "Hi">><<set $housemate to "the Craigslist guy">><</link>>

<<switch $housemate>> <<case "Mom">> Your mother waves enthusiastically at you despite your dumbfounded expression. "Hi sweetie! How are you?" Behind her, on the stoop, are several bags of groceries. She picks up the egg bag, gestures to the rest, and says, "Grab some of these groceries for me, would you? Your old mother can't carry everything by herself anymore!" She cackles as if this is a joke (??) You're not sure why being elderly is funny?? Your mother means well. But goddammit. <<case "your partner">> Your partner sighs, shuffling into the room. There are way too many bags of groceries in their hands, the numerous plastic handles digging into their fingers. "Hey babe." They smile at you wearily, but then their face crinkles up as if irritated. At you? No, they open their mouth to speak. "My nose itches and my hands are full. Either you can scratch it for me or you can take some of these. Choose please." They shrug one of their arms, the five bags in that hand shifting against each other. You love your partner. But goddammit. <<case "the Craigslist guy">> The Craigslist guy sniffs and looks at you with reddened eyes. "Hey bruh," he mumbles. "I got hungry so I got some shit." He gestures to his beat up car in the parking lot. "Can you grab it for me? It's for both of us." You open your mouth to point out that you hate most of the food he gets 'for us', but as he trundles past you, the oh-so-familiar stench of weed sends you into a coughing fit. When you recover, he's waving a few bucks around your face like a weird fan. "I'll give ya a twenty if you grab 'em, mmkay?" You do like money. But goddammit. <</switch>> Not quite begrudgingly (ok, a little begrudgingly), you help $housemate put the groceries away. It doesn't take //too// long, to be true, but that's not the problem. The problem is now <<pronoun "is">> //in// the house. //Around// you. Definitionally, that means... You won't be able to do the $activity you wanted to do. Not with <<pronoun "obj">> here. How do you feel about this? <<link "Anxious, angry, antsy, annoyed. Or better put -" "Feels">><<set $feels to "a">><</link>> <<link "It's fine. It's fine! It's fiiiiine." "Feels">><<set $feels to "denial">><</link>> <<link "Nooo don't ask how you feel you're so sexy aha" "Feels">><<set $feels to "alexithymia">><</link>>

<<switch $feels>> <<case "a">> //AAAA!!// You grit your teeth. You're trying not to show it, but you can't help but walk a bit more stompily about the house than usual. You open the fridge in more of a //fling//, and pop off the bottlecap of the only soda you've been able to tolerate for the past 3 months with so much force that it hits you in the eye. "Dammit!" you yelp as your eye starts to water and sting. The texture of the soda bubbles, so comforting before, now feels like an assault on your tongue. Over there, $housemate is opening and shutting cupboards in your ears. You aren't $activity. You aren't $activity. You aren't $activity. <<nobr>> <<switch $housemate>> <<case "Mom">> "Is everything alright, honey?" <<case "your partner">> "What's wrong, cutie?" <<case "the Craigslist guy">> "Sup bruh?" <</switch>> <</nobr>> says $housemate, looking concerned. You don't say anything, because if you try, you'll just start screaming. <<case "denial">> You laugh to yourself at the absurdity of how //fine// it is that your precious little private time, the chance you had to be $activity, has been desecrated. You laugh a little too loud...$housemate stops what <<pronoun "is">> doing and gives you a look. <<nobr>> <<switch $housemate>> <<case "Mom">> "Is everything alright, honey?" <<case "your partner">> "What's wrong, cutie?" <<case "the Craigslist guy">> "Sup bruh?" <</switch>> <</nobr>> You laugh again. "Everything! Nothing! It's fine, it's aaaaall fine." $housemate stares as you bite your lips into a smile and give <<pronoun "obj">> a thumbs up. "I'm just going to be in my room thinking about how fine it is that you're here and how I'm not $activity right now, that's fine, it's great!" Your eyes hurt as you simulate the crinkle. "What's this about $activity?" Your grin flattens. No, <<pronoun "sub">> can't know about your $why like //that//. You back up toward your room, even as $housemate takes a step toward you. "Don't worry about it." "But - " <<case "alexithymia">> You vaguely watch $housemate bustle about, no thoughts head empty. No big deal. You like <<pronoun "obj">> just fine. <<if $housemate == "the Craigslist guy">>Ok, tolerate. <</if>> There's not actually a problem with <<pronoun "obj">> being here. It's not a huge deal that you're not $activity right now. It's fading from your memory already. Memories are bad anyway. You'll stay in the present, looking at yourself looking at yourself looking at $housemate looking at the groceries. Any sort of $activity just doesn't beat this. What even is $activity anyway? <<nobr>> <<switch $housemate>> <<case "Mom">> "Is everything alright, honey?" <<case "your partner">> "What's wrong, cutie?" <<case "the Craigslist guy">> "Sup bruh?" <</switch>> <</nobr>> You're shaken out of your light dissociation by the sound of <<pronoun "posdet">> voice. "Hmm?" "Your hands...you're doing the hand thing again." You stop flapping your hands. <</switch>> You go into your room and shut the door. Breathe slowly. It's not $housemate, not who <<pronoun "sub">> is or what <<pronoun "is">> doing at all, really (currently putting away groceries). It's that <<pronoun "is">> //here//. Why can't <<pronoun "sub">> just //not// be here? Why can't you be $activity alone? [[Breathe slower.]]

You breathe in. <<timed 4s>>You hold it. <<next>>You breathe out. <<next>>You hold it. <<next>>You breathe in. <<next>>You hold it. <<next>>You breathe out. <<next>>You hold it. <<next>> Okay. At least you're alone in your room. Sort of. You can hear $housemate still, out there. You aren't $activity. Is that ok? Not really. But you'll be fine. For now, you take a nap, and dream of $activity. Maybe <<pronoun "sub">>'ll be gone when you wake. ''**End**'' <</timed>>

<<widget "pronoun">> <<switch $housemate>> <<case "Mom">> <<switch _args[0]>> <<case "sub">> she <<case "is">> she's <<case "obj">> her <<case "posdet">> her <<case "pospro">> hers <<case "refl">> herself <</switch>> <<case "your partner">> <<switch _args[0]>> <<case "sub">> they <<case "is">> they're <<case "obj">> them <<case "posdet">> their <<case "pospro">> theirs <<case "refl">> themself <</switch>> <<case "the Craigslist guy">> <<switch _args[0]>> <<case "sub">> he <<case "is">> he's <<case "obj">> him <<case "posdet">> his <<case "pospro">> his <<case "refl">> himself <</switch>> <</switch>> <</widget>>